Endure to the end

I started the week with a cluttered mind and a filled agenda. I had a migraine stuck to my head until it became dull after two days. I missed Sabbath - maybe that's why.

Since Monday was the first day of November, I decided the best thing to do was to take the day off and could do whatever that was necessary. I was supposed to rest, I know. All thanks to the caffeine-powered Panadol Extra, I "worked" 12 hours that day. Hmmmm... sometimes it's as if I am a (voluntary) full-time administrator. It feels like a bundle of satisfaction added with enthusisiam, plus a tinge of "how long more?" frustration sprinkled on top.

There are only so many tentacles an octopus has, there is only so wide a gap I can stand in and there is only so much I can do despite my desire to be a good armorbearer to my leaders and a good example for my peers. I am not a superbeing! Nevetheless, I just want to give my best.

Moses suffered the wrath of God directly while the stiff-necked children of Israel were often shielded from the major part of it. I wonder if Moses ever felt that being the "middleman" was the toughest job on earth and that the people should just get it from Him once and for all! Well, I do and I felt taken for granted. Countless times.

Joshua, my cellgroup leader, once exclaimed before his core disciples, "I am a leader, not just an administrator!" My sentiments exactly.

Then again, in spite of all that, it all seems worth it when I know that I have touched the lives of the people within my influence. I've just received an e-mail from an usher who used to be in my team and have transferred to serve in another section a few months ago. She dropped me a note to inform me that she has recently resigned and decided to step out of her comfort zone and answer to the next calling of her life - the Dialect Church ministry. What she wrote touched my heart... and I feel extremely excited about what God is going to do in her life!

Quoting part of her e-mail: "I guess it's more of an aptitude thing that makes one a people person - it's not how long you've served but how well you can serve others naturally in a spiritual way that really matters! But the ministry has indeed helped me to overcome personal barriers, smoothen some raw edges and serve people with greater humility and spontaneity. It's taught me what it really means to serve God.. and to love and serve people in a physical and real way. I think more than me being a blessing to the usher ministry, I have been greatly blessed by the ministry and the brothers and sisters here!"

It is very fulfilling to have someone whom you once discipled share how the ministry has helped in her spiritual and personal growth all these years (she deserves a "long service award", you know?), how she was moulded by God in this training ground and how I have led and impacted her... I felt the Lord's hand uplifting me and encouraging me to move on...

Despite the trials and tribulations, I count it a personal joy and honor to be used by God. I will endure... and endure to the end.

"...looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." - Hebrews 12:2