Alone, He leaves me not

I don't think I was being overly emotional last night but I really feel like wailing my heart out. It was a surge of emotions rising - weariness, pain, frustration. So lost, so drained.

I guess it's this time that folks go through before and during the building fund period. Tendencies of negative thoughts and stuff seeped in more often than usual. Thoughts like, "I'm already very tired, why must I be in charge of taking some item during a CG meeting?", or "What happened to the rest; why must I be the only one working on this when I'm not the least busy one around?", or "Why do I attract only work and no help? When can I take a break?"

On top of that, I am pretty vexed at work and pondering about the newly opened door for me. The question now is - Am I sure that is where God wants me to be? If yes, when should I leave? One major stay factor: the sum awaiting just before Christmas will allow me to give God more. A heavenly green light, wisdom, anointed common sense, faith, squeaky clean ears - I need them all to make the decision!

Thankfully, in the midst of my busyness today, I still found time and new strength to work on a ministry project, and God also gave me a word to prepare me for the CG meeting.

Today's CG meeting was, if I may use Laudene's lingo, fantabulous. A touch from heaven, I know, will be good medicine for my soul. So I was full of expectancy and focus to worship. Thank God He ministered through His wonderful presence and Word.

I did not expect my CGL to pray for me as I did not lift my hand as an act to respond during ministry time. (Yuh, already badly in need of prayers, still thinking logically!) I surely am thankful that he did. He laid hands and prayed that God will lead me to the way that will not shortchange my destiny at this particular crossroad I am at now; for His wisdom to be upon me; He asked the Lord to take away the fear within my heart and bring me forth into the realm of faith so that I can experience His reality. I cried buckets.

God's presence was there and I was once again assured that He knows my struggles and He will not leave me to do this alone.

Whilst I should be reaching out to Him, He touched my heart and found me again. He is amazing and ever faithful.

Lord You are amazing
You are wonderful to me
I come to You
With outstretched arms
You are all that I need

And to You alone
I bring this offering
I love You
More than words can say
You are my everything